Pointless musings: American obesity
Here I am, blowing off discovery because my client's answers suck, and I have discovered the root of American obesity: life here generally sucks.
Think about it. What do we do when we're happy? We have a party, with cake and cookies. Cake and cookies are all about happiness. So I'm looking at this crappy discovery and I think... "I have some cookies in the refrigerator, I'm going to eat them now..." You get the cookies and you feel a little better, right?
We can use this phenomenon. "Hey, you've got cancer, here's a mint milano. Isn't that great?!?!" "You've lost your job and won't find one for months, have an Oreo. Things are great, right?!??!" "Four more years of mortgaging your future and pissing off the rest of the world, let's celebrate with ice-cream cake!!"
Dammit. Ran out of cookies.
Think about it. What do we do when we're happy? We have a party, with cake and cookies. Cake and cookies are all about happiness. So I'm looking at this crappy discovery and I think... "I have some cookies in the refrigerator, I'm going to eat them now..." You get the cookies and you feel a little better, right?
We can use this phenomenon. "Hey, you've got cancer, here's a mint milano. Isn't that great?!?!" "You've lost your job and won't find one for months, have an Oreo. Things are great, right?!??!" "Four more years of mortgaging your future and pissing off the rest of the world, let's celebrate with ice-cream cake!!"
Dammit. Ran out of cookies.
2 Comments:
Got a better idea... how 'bout I bash your head in with your gun, dump the jack on your porch, and burn your house down with the cigar, then finish my cookies? Don't fuck with a man and his cookies, or did you miss the whole "Cake and cookies are all about happiness" thing?
[Disclaimer: This was not a threat. This was merely a test. If I ever make a threat, it will look a lot like this, only it will be threatening. This disclaimer is provided for the benefit of those who don't know me well enough to know I have very limited humour and satire skills. You may now proceed directly to judgment.]
I could always start with the jack on your porch and burning your house down, and find your still smoldering corpse with the rifle in hand later...
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